is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
