dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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