Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
