you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
