Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize