Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
