Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
