My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
