Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
