i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
