I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How's work?
Spinning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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