So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
