You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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