She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You can't motorboat a personality
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
