i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
