Umm I'm too high to move.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
