i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
