My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just sucked dick on a ferry
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
