I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
