didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
