Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
