so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
