i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
True strength comes from lack of pants
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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