I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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