I feel like I'm in dance class right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
