after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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