the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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