Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Vodka?
Forever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
