Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
