Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
