so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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