Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
