So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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