The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
