her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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