shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
