I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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