I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
