omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
