dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
