11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
