My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
