apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to calm my uterus...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
