DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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