Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
