Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
