he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
