Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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