yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
