Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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