how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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